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7 Arguments Couples Fight Over and How to Fix It
Assuming that you and your partner have fought before, then you're most likely familiar with these obstacles in a relationship. However, almost every couple has the same arguments, and you are not alone. There are many people out there who have experienced the same things you have, and have been able to work through their problems and improve their relationship incredibly. So, we've found the most common fights for couples to have and applied the best wisdom and experience to help you solve these problems for yourself. Never again will you have to worry about fighting over who should do the dishes or which one of you lost the keys to your car.
Assuming that you and your partner have fought before, then you're most likely familiar with these obstacles in a relationship. However, almost every couple has the same arguments, and you are not alone. There are many people out there who have experienced the same things you have, and have been able to work through their problems and improve their relationship incredibly. So, we've found the most common fights for couples to have and applied the best wisdom and experience to help you solve these problems for yourself. Never again will you have to worry about fighting over who should do the dishes or which one of you lost the keys to your car.
Work
If your partner feels that work is coming in the way of your
relationship, or if you feel that way, it can put a huge strain on the
relationship. Work is unavoidable, and both of you need to understand that. However
the underlying problem is probably that you don’t get to spend enough time
together.
North
Americans are widely known for having 2 major problems when it comes to family
life. The first is that they prioritize their time towards work instead of
relationships. It’s not really work that takes all their time, it’s that they
prioritize work over relational time, so as a result, work takes all their
time. The second is they have a nasty habit of becoming too busy. The
activities outside of work that they choose to do are a choice, and nothing
more. The underlying problem usually isn’t work in itself, but the habit and
mentality of not prioritizing relationships.
Sex
Even couples who decide not to have sex until marriage fight about this.
Sex can be a difficult thing to argue about as well, because it is different
for every couple. There are a lot of misconceptions about sex due to Hollywood
and pornography. What’s needed is a correction of how sex actually happens in
real life in relationships. You need to sit down and have a talk with your partner
and communicate your needs. Getting properly educated about sex wouldn’t hurt
either, as illusions about sex make up most of the problem and people grow up
believing them.
Pet
peeves
What bothers you the most and by how much, should be accurately
communicated. What’s common in relationships is that something like doing the
dishes can bother a person a lot, but the other person doesn’t believe it to be
such a big deal. Where to the person it bothers it’s a figurative 8, in the
other person’s mind it’s a 4. They may understand that it’s a pet peeve, but they
don’t actually understand how large an annoyance. A list should be made of what
the biggest problems in a relationship are and what they rank on a scale of
1-10. By doing this, people can understand that they are dealing with an 8
instead of a 4, and problems living together can be accurately dissected.
Financial problems are actually one of the biggest reasons for divorce
in the United States. People handle their money differently and that can be
stressful on its own. When living together, finances need to be handled as a
team, not as individuals. The problem is that people move in together because
they are in love, and don’t realize that financial mindsets need to be changed
when living together. Financial problems in a relationship may have many
categories, but the single largest category falls under having individual
spending habits. Things need to shift into relationship spending habits if
couples are going to live together.
Family
Almost every couple will argue about which family members they will be visiting
when it's time for the holidays. People need to see the underlying issues when
it comes to this. What’s typical is that family is usually left on the back
burner, and only visited once or twice a year. As a result, the holidays become
the ‘only’ time they get to be seen, which is why fighting over time to see
them becomes so crucial.
What
can be done is to visit them outside of holidays, spend more focus on
relatives. If this isn’t an option, then talking more on the phone, through Skype,
or the internet can bridge the relationship gap. Taking turns to see each side
of the family is another solution, but won’t resolve the probable root issue.
Stress from work, family, road rage or whatever the cause can add to any
relationship. The things we pick up throughout the day can weigh us down and as
a result, we take it out on our partner. What’s needed is to get into a habit
of practicing stress reducing techniques. Things like unwinding, deep breaths,
and setting aside time to appreciate life. We have a habit of always being on
the go, and overlooking the little joys of life. This habit needs to be broken.
Free time
Couples will fight over what the other does with their free time. The
way it usually goes is; after work, after the chores are done, when Saturday
comes around, or when someone finally gets time to themselves, their partner
already has plans in mind for them.
People
need to be sensitive of the things they make their partner do and how it makes
them feel, not just force them into it. When it comes to the time spent
together as a couple, you should do things that both parties enjoy, otherwise
one of you may end up hating the time spent together as a couple.
As you've read through all of the different reasons for arguments, chances are that you’ve argued about these things with your partner. Listening, communicating, and reaching a compromise are key to finding a solution. What can help also is learning what others have done and discovered about common relationship problems.
